I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize