Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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