Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
