If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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