When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
