You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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