It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
