He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
