Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
