He asked me if I "almost moaned"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She's the barista slut.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
