when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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