Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Congratulations! We have a period
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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