I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
