Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
