you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize