she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
only if we run a train.
done.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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