thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am spending my child support on dildos
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
