ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
don't judge my taste in strippers
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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