He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
PANTIES FOUND
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
