I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
