Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
