I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize