i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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