So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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