It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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