It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize