He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
