god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize