I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
