It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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