How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
