Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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