His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
