Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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