ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
