I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
