I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
