My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Randomize
