Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
