My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
