His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
