i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize