I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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