Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
