I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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