At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
