Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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