I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
