Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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