Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
