I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
