Already got asked if we're dating
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
