At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
