Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
