Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
