Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
