Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
