508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
