she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
