Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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