Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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