elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
