You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
