i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think im going to throw up on grandma
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
