If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
