i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
